my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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