WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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