fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
