Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
