Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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