Just mADE A PArabola og urine
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
