dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
