She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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