ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you never un-have a 4some
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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