I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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