I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
