Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My feet surprised me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
