She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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