Sponge bath it is.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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