Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
