my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
