Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
