hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
