To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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