Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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