i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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