Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
