i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i was born a porn star she said
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
