Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
