Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
