I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
