you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
