after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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