so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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