Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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