your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
