I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
a search helicopter?!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
