I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
