somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
