My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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