i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize