Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
