you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
