My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
