If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
