Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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