i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It all started with a game of naked twister.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize