I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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