you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
