I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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