my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
