the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
