Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
