Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She even gives head with a lisp.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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