i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
