yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
