so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
