Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just cropdusted the office
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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