he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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