you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize