swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
