Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
