1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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