I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
