why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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