Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
