you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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