Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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