...so i touched it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
