i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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