it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
