I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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