What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
