no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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