She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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