What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
