Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
