at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
