omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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