you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
