That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
