there was a trapeze. enough said
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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