would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
