laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize