Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
