Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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