I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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