So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just high enough for therapy.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
