My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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