I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
