am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
