apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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