I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
